Hotel Bills: Why The Misogyny?

Dressed in a bright orange bodycon dress, with subtle makeup, my hair all over the place but in a sexy way, not-so-large hoops, and the perfect gold studded heels, I looked my best. 

This was a lowkey family dinner to celebrate a very special someone's birthday. We chose a pan Asian restaurant and were seated as couples across from each other. 

My boyfriend called for a screwdriver, Aunty and I had pina coladas on our mind and Uncle called for rum. The drinks were in various colours and the waiter was a little too confused. He was under the assumption that the boys won’t call for a yellow colour screw driver drink, nor would they drink pina coladas. In a confused state, he served the drinks.

Through the course of the dinner, we exchanged smiles, he asked me several questions, took my feedback, and clicked a few pictures for us. It was time to pay the cheque and leave. Our very naive waiter slid the bill next to Uncle and just casually walked away. Sexism exists, yes but why ignore my boyfriend. Hello! He could also pay the bill, which he did by the way. 

However, the only thought that came to my mind, was the fact that he did take feedback from me, and exchange glances but never thought that I could pay it off. Just one of the incidents that made the birthday eve all the more fun. More often than not, men are put in situations where they are expected to pay by default. Be it first dates, family dinners, etc. Women who romanticize everything might have those ideas, but hey, the reality is a little too different. 

We went home and did some reading on casual sexism, hotel etiquette for staff, and more. Here’s what I found out: 

As per an article published in Forbes, men (85%) were even more likely than women (72%) to think that men should foot the bill.  (Read more)

A study published in the journal Psychological Reports found that traditional gender norms continue in dating culture, with men almost always paying the whole bill on first dates and paying more than women for subsequent dates – participants also held this expectation of men. Gender role attitudes had little to do with actual practice but did influence payment expectations. Read more here

In conclusion, I am also often in situations where I am on a date with my man and in a dilemma. The chivalrous boy I am with ensures that he plays the game safely. Times when the bill is not too much, he would insist but let me pay because I would not let it go and days when the bill is an exorbitant amount, he would just not make eye contact with me, and pay it all by himself. 

We've never split our bills. Although that option exists, it sorta seems like a crime to me. I mean, don't we love the person we decide to go for dinner or drinks with? Be it a friend, a family member, or even your partner for that matter. Either you pay or I pay!